Su·i·cide

No one wants to discuss su·i·cide some act like it’s a big secret. Suicide is the act of killing oneself intentionally. Usually, the main reason why someone does commit suicide or contemplate the idea is due to depression. Depression is well understood by mental health professionals because they are knowledgeable on the matter. Depression is a serious mood disorder that affects the way a person thinks, feels and acts.
It is not just feeling “blue” for no reason for a day or two. It is a lengthy hole of despair where hope is just a memory and suicide appears to be a  real choice. Suicide will end a person’s emotional suffering instantly, and it makes the person feel like they are removing one of the causes of pain and suffering for others in their lives as well. Often people question why people commit suicide because they can not fathom the idea themselves. If you never grappled with depression you could never really understand.
I have had my rounds with depression and am more in control of it versus the other way around. But when I was younger it was really hard for me I didn’t understand the emotions I felt. My depression stemmed from losing my father suddenly and I felt that he abandoned me and no one understood me. I shut everyone out, I often felt ostracized by my family and the outside world. My family instead of being the solid support system I needed they often me pushed away like the black sheep of the family.
About five years after my fathers passing I lost my grandfather suddenly as well. At that point in my life, I and my family were already estranged prior to his passing. We got together for his funeral but I felt I was sitting amongst strangers with the exception of my brothers. But my brothers were young as well so I felt they could not help me. I found myself in a relationship with a man who I tried to make him into the men I had lost and treasured so much.
I found an, even more, deeper depression because I was tethered to an emotionally unstable creature who emotionally and sometimes physically abused me. For quite some time all I knew was pain and associated depression with my life. The only thing that helped me is prayer and realizing my life has value. Every now and then I sometimes start feeling those same emotions but now I know about yoga, meditation, homeopathic remedies. I am not gone to try to drink my sorrows away or self-medication like so many do, have tried in the past thinking it would numb the pain.

With observation and being older I know now my family has some issues with mental stability. My older brother a few years ago had a serious mental breakdown resulting in him being found in different areas not knowing his identity and how he even got there. My mother who I never been close to really had her episodes when her kidneys started failing her, she was even baker acted for a few days. The biggest issue no one once to discuss is the  underlying issues with the mental health crisis that many of us are facing.
I have thought about ending it all and I felt sometimes that would make my pain go away. But I was stronger than what I thought I was because I didn’t take that route. But so many people have, I know of an old classmate that killed his stepfather and eventually his self when the cops came. I was so shocked watching it on the news I never knew what he was going through. My close associate father committed suicide which left her mother unstable to raise her. She dealt with depression badly even cutting herself and attaching herself to men that were just no good all stemming from her parents.
There has been quite a number of many celebrities that committed suicide like Robin Williams, Mindy McCready, Kurt Cobain, Alexander Mcqueen, Don Cornelius, Lee Thompson Young, Junior Seau and so many more. Some that cope with depression are ashamed of asking for help but that is the biggest challenge. Maybe your depression you feel it is so deep that it can’t be fixed. Help is available you just have to seek it, you can try medication, psychotherapy or the combination of both. If we start openly discussing depression amongst our peers face to face or on social media we can put an end to suicide being the only choice for so many.

Let’s get this conversation started!!!

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